MEET LUCY ROLEFF: "MINDFULNESS FOR ME IS MORE OF AN OVERALL ATTITUDE - OF NOT JUDGING MY THOUGH

Meet Lucy Roleff, an aspiring musician and illustrator with tremendous talent and a drive to fulfill her artistic dreams. Through all of her musical and artistic talent plus an extreme love for life you would be surprised to know of a battled she fought for many years. For much of Lucy’s life, beginning in her adolescence, she has gone to war with a tremendous foe. This foe is known as anxiety disorder. Lucy would never describe her monumental obstacle as a disorder but for the purposes of the reading audience I will label her enemy as a disorder just for understanding. It was this experience that moved Lucy to take up a practice that, as you will see, has completely changed her life. Hear what Lucy has to say about her triumph over anxiety disorder and what life is like for her now that her foe has been defeated.

Joshua: How did you come across (learn) about Mindfulness, what was your motivation for doing it?

Lucy: I think it was intuition that helped me come across mindfulness. Before I knew very much about it, I tried out quite a few popular methods such as affirmations, distraction techniques, the old rubber band on the wrist trick – but these all just seemed unnatural and short-term. I also tried CBT therapy and was offered medication, but again, I felt that I shouldn’t be trying to dampen, change or run away from the symptoms – even though I really wanted to. It’s natural for humans to resist suffering so it makes sense why my first steps were towards changing my thoughts and running from the symptoms. I liked that mindfulness dropped the ‘good thoughts/bad thoughts’ concept that many other methods seemed to follow. I noticed that when you stop labeling thoughts as good or bad, big changes can take place. The rigidity from ‘fighting’ thoughts and feelings starts to fall away.

Joshua: How did your anxiety manifest prior to practicing Mindfulness, what were your triggers?

Lucy: I had been a bit anxious since I was twelve or so, but it was only ever circumstantial and I would forget about it in-between ‘episodes.’ Basically, I would feel anxious if I was in a situation I couldn’t get out of easily. Not always, but enough that it would sometimes stop me from doing things like going on really long drives with friends or attending sleep overs. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I started experiencing the constant anxiety and panicky feelings. It was a slow entry into that place– over maybe a couple of months, but I remember the exact moment when the racing thoughts began. Everyone’s triggers are different. It can be after prolonged stress or just one event. For me it seemed to be the former. I was quite hard on myself.

Joshua: What activities were you able to do before experiencing anxiety disorder, and were those activities difficult to do as you battled anxiety?

Lucy: I think things that already made me nervous became magnified. I’m a musician and before anxiety, I already felt a bit nervous about performing. During a gig, I would feel like I wanted to get off the stage quickly and sometimes felt quite shaky and surreal. But I was lucky to read some great material from Paul David’s website, Anxiety No more that emphasized the importance of not giving up anything – to just keep at it no matter what you feel. It makes sense that if you avoid something, the brain gets the message that it’s bad and will respond anxiously when in that situation.

Joshua: How long did you practice Mindfulness before being able to do the things you were able to do before, how long was it before you felt the benefits of Mindfulness? Lucy: I often get emails asking me this, and it’s something I would have asked while I was suffering too! The one thing I try to tell people is not to treat mindfulness like another ‘fix’ or medication. It doesn’t work like that. To be honest, I don’t sit and meditate every day. Mindfulness for me is more of an overall attitude – of not judging my thoughts, noticing when I feel a bit anxious or worried and just letting it do its thing. It has also given me insight into the transience and impersonal nature of thought. That was maybe my biggest insight. Obviously in the beginning, I treated mindfulness meditation like a medication and was constantly checking in with myself (“is it working yet!?”) but I kept reminding myself of the broken leg analogy – if you have a broken leg, you leave it alone and let it heal, you don’t prod at it constantly to check if its still broken. There were lots of milestones on the path to getting better, and heaps of setbacks (these are totally normal!) and one thing I noticed at each milestone of feeling better was that I noticed it naturally – not by prodding at my mind or analyzing my thoughts after a meditation session. The noticing of feeling better always came when my mind had been off my own healing for a while. I had given it time and space, which is really the key in my opinion.

Joshua: What was your Mindfulness routine like, how long (minutes, hours) would you practice Mindfulness and what kind of Mindfulness would you practice (breathing, walking, body scan, eating, etc…)? Lucy: I’ve tried a few things. Mostly just sitting and observing my breathing and bodily sensations. This is a great way to get back into your own skin, into the present time. I think it’s so effective because most of our suffering seems to come from concepts of the past and the future – ruminating about past mistakes or events or trying to predict future ones. I quite like walking mindfully too. I spend a lot of time sitting at a desk during the day so getting out into the fresh air and exercising ticks all the boxes for mental and physical health. Again, there’s no right or wrong practice. People get too hung up on the time and manner in which others meditate, as though they must have the secret to wellbeing. You can meditate for hours each day, but if your regular everyday life doesn’t have some of those qualities too – of openness, not labeling and just being kind to yourself – then it stands to reason that it might not give you the results you’re after. It honestly was the insights into thought that mindfulness offered that brought me to where I am today. I would almost be tempted to drop the word ‘mindfulness’ because it’s not really all about the act of mindfully meditating which is what most people seem to associate it with.

Joshua: How long did you battle anxiety?

Lucy: I don’t really like saying how long it took me to feel like I had recovered. A lot of people who have recovered will avoid saying how long because it gives other people a time frame to compare themselves to (as if they need that extra pressure!) Everyone is different. And you are never too far gone to recover. Paul David recovered after a decade of suffering anxiety so I would really recommend reading what he has to say about not comparing your road to healing with others’.

Joshua: What is your life like now that you don’t experience high levels of anxiety, panic attacks, obsessive thoughts, etc…?

Lucy: It just feels natural, I guess! When I felt really anxious, it was quite funny how it skewed my memory of what feeling good was. I could only remember my life before as this constant state of bliss and innocence – which of course wasn’t true. Now I feel like I can just get on with things without the constant ‘checking in’ or monitoring of symptoms. I won’t really think twice about doing things like going out to see friends or going on long car drives, where before I wasn’t sure how I’d feel so might avoid people or cancel plans.

Joshua: How would you describe Mindfulness and is it something you would encourage people to do to end anxiety disorder?

Lucy: As I said before, I feel that certain insights I had were more integral to my getting better than the practice of meditation. They were all of the same school of thought as mindfulness, of course. I tell everyone to go and read through some articles by Amy Johnson and Lisa Esile. They explain the nature of thought better than I ever could and they even emphasize that you don’t HAVE to meditate to feel good. Go for it if it feels right to you! But if it doesn’t, that’s fine too. It’s more about just backing off mentally – giving your mind space and time and kindness.

Joshua: Today, how often do you experience anxiety and what are your plans for life now that you are liberated from the grips of anxiety disorder?

Lucy: I don’t see anxiety as a disorder. I feel it was something that came into my life and made me see many things about myself, my life and the nature of thought. I definitely saw it as a disorder before because it felt so terrible and uncontrollable while I was in it. Many people who have recovered will look back and be somewhat glad for the experience – I now have so much more empathy and understanding of others and I don’t beat myself up like I used to.

What a tremendous journey for Lucy! Although some people may not look at it this way, Lucy’s story is one of triumph and profound success. She now has the tools to deal with the stresses of life and it seems as though Lucy is now well equipped to deal with the trials and tribulations that come her way. All of her accomplishments are due to her love of life, artistic talent, and her decision to learn Mindfulness. Here at Essential for Life we wish Lucy nothing but the best and success in all of her future endeavors.

I invite you to catch up with Lucy by visiting her website @ http://lucyroleff.com/ Websites referenced by Lucy: http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/ http://dramyjohnson.com/enlightenment-lessons-a-video-series-on-the-human-experience/ http://lisaesile.com/the-weird-story-of-my-year-of-silence-and-finding-inner-peace-plus-a-lazy-persons-guide-to-meditation/